Define validating feelings in marriage, building Emotional Safety- Marriage Therapy - suncrest
Barriers and Fears of Validating While we may recognize the importance of validation, it is not easy to do. Bringing about feelings of being understood, establishes a basis for emotional safety. We are not confirming that the feelings are right, or correct, mambo free dating or even okay.
So much so, that you know who trains in the art of validation on a regular basis? Validation is not agreeing with their emotional experience, it is reassuring them that it is okay for them to feel the way they do. We are also not confirming that we are wrong. Simply put, when people feel emotionally safe, they share more. This is true nearly all of the time, as long as nothing is added more on that shortly.
Once this is achieved, they gain the emotional and spiritual strength they need to deal with the challenge. You are only confirming that you have the package. They are uncomfortable with their own sensitivity. People who love you want the best for you.
It also helps you see things from the point of view of the other person, which helps you better frame a solution to the problem. Validation nurtures emotional safety, honesty and expression of underlying emotions. It isn't about power, status, or control. Sometimes people lie to you in order to not hurt your feelings.
What happens is that we don't understand why one person is mad at another person, why they can't understand our point of view, why they can't get along with certain people, etc. Continue this process until the person feels understood. Some people get upset about things that wouldn't bother you, and some people have quirks that don't seem to bother anyone but you. You can pick that back up when your partner is calmer, and listening.
Most of us are terrible at knowing exactly what our spouse needs. Sometimes people think that knowing just how someone else feels without having to ask means they are emotionally close to that person. How can we possibly understand what someone else is going through even if we have had a similar experience?
What I heard you say was my statement was very hurtful towards you and it is not the first time you have felt this way. Still the message is to not feel what you are feeling.
Like any tool, though, this must be handled with care. Generally, when people feel understood they are more open to receiving help and locating a place of calm within their soul. Most couples do this by taking turns arguing their point of view during a disagreement.
The truth is that validation is not self-acceptance, it is only an acknowledgement that an internal experience occurred. Validation is not agreeing. Blaming is different from taking responsibility.
Letting out frustrations allows them to feel better and refocus on more important things. Establishing these basic connections lays the foundation for emotional safety. That is what makes the world such an interesting place.
The Emotionally Sensitive Person
It is this safety that allows us to go out into the world and accomplish our daily tasks. So how can these types of conflicts be handled? You never think and always make everything harder. At least, it never got me anywhere.
Building Emotional Safety- Marriage Therapy - suncrest
So they may do work for you that you could do yourself. Even if a solution isn't reached, employees, spouses, pretty much anybody, will feel better knowing that someone understands their point of view. Maybe they tell you that you look great in a dress that in truth is not the best style for you. If you have been fighting a lot lately, it can be tougher to gain some traction with. Maybe they agree that your point of view in an argument when in fact they do not think you are being reasonable.
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So we spend our time explaining why they shouldn't be mad, why they overreacted, why they should try to get along, and it gets us nowhere. There is a reason for that. When someone is critical of us, we naturally and reflexively defend ourselves, as a means to maintain our own validity.
Law Enforcement routinely trains officers in the art of validation, because it is the most effective way to calm someone down. Maybe some of you have better luck with it.
After a statement of validation is shared, stop and listen to what the person says next and then try to help justify those feelings. Learning to validate our feelings and those of others builds emotional bridges. Statements of Validation Try to validate the feelings the person has shared. Otherwise you will end up with that one employee that constantly wants to come in and complain to you to get some pity. When they share more, we learn more and are more likely to help them in a supportive, non-threatening way that gets at the root of the problem.
If you can avoid it, the argument will turn back into a discussion. There are often barriers that impact our willingness or ability to follow through with this healing step. Not acknowledging how difficult something might be for you to do is hoovering.
And sometimes people don't need answers or guidance or lectures, they just need somebody to listen to them. Likewise, validation is confirming that the other person has specific feelings. In these situations I've always tried to validate the person's feelings while still pointing out that they aren't necessarily accurate.
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